Russ: Maureen!!! How does this blasted thing work? There’s some weird email from Gary asking to connect?
Maureen: Oh, it’s the Zoom link. Just click it
Russ: Zoom, what the heck is that? Wasn’t that a Mazda commercial or something?
Maureen: The video software, you dinosaur!
Russ: It’s forcing me to download it. What if it’s a virus? You know those hackers today are going after old folks like us that don’t know anything about computers.
Maureen: Gary is not a Nigerian prince that’s trying to send you Bitcoins! Just install it; I’m making popcorn.
Gary: Click this, click that &$@*^% this, stupid &%@#$ technology!
Maureen: Here, let me fix it. Move! Here, I got it. Oh look it is a Nigerian prince.
Maureen: Just kidding, here I’m connecting to Sheila’s room now.
Russ: Room, Fish’s got a room? What, like her bedroom?
Maureen: A digital room online that we can join so we can talk to them. Oh look, there they are! It’s working. Gary! Sheila! Hi guys!
Sheila: Hey Tank, hey Stubbs! So nice to see you guys. Gary is still driving me crazy. He stopped wearing the HAZMAT suit to bed, but he still refuses to leave the house. Gary! Here, talk to Russ and Maureen. I’m going to get more wine.
Gary: You already had a bottle with dinner.
Sheila: And now it’s after dinner, time for the after-party. There’s a Mendoza Catena Malbec 2010 in the cellar I’ve been meaning to pop.
Gary: We’re saving that for Christmas
Sheila: The government is cancelling Christmas, so I might as well drink it while talking to friends.
Maureen: Hi Gary!
Russ: Still got your tin foil hat on there, Mr. Clean?
Gary: Cases are spiking again, you shouldn’t take it so lightly Russ.
Russ: And why’s that?
Gary: Well, considering your age and health.
Russ: You saying I’m old and fat? Boy, I lived through the depression; I know hardship and this ain’t it.
Maureen: You weren’t even born yet; your father lived through the depression. May he rest in peace. Gary, you still look in great shape, how you been staying fit?
Russ: Oh you hitting on Mr. Clean now like those housewives do in those commercials.
Gary: I’ve got a Peloton bike. It was a little expensive but it’s a great way to stay in shape.
Russ: A what?
Gary: It’s like a fancy stationary bike. I’ve got it in front of the TV downstairs so I can binge watch James Bond on Crave.
Sheila: Oh my god, I love Sean Connery. He was the best.
Russ: Didn’t he die recently?
Sheila: I know, it’s so sad. What a legend, though. Oh look, Chester and Linda are connecting.
Russ: About time, better late than never Buzzard. Whoa! What’s with the whiskers?
Chester: Yeah, well it was my COVID beard. Then I shaved most of it off to get some sick sideburns and a handlebar mustache.
Sheila: You look like an 80s porn star. Pretty edgy, only slightly creepy.
Linda: I like it a lot. I watch him when he’s throwing hay bails into the truck.
Russ: I think I saw a VHS movie like that one time.
Russ, What, it was years ago.
Maureen: Okay, can we get back on track here?
Gary: Yeah, I don’t need to hear about Linda’s farm fantasy.
Sheila: So I saw an email from the curling club this morning. They’re letting us practice, but there are so many health and safety steps to follow. Not to mention you need to mask up on the ice.
Russ: That’s lame; my face diaper is going to be one sweaty mess. I’ll be breathing in my own stink the whole time.
Maureen: You do that already. And you farted 5 minutes ago, so that’s a double whammy.
Russ: It didn’t make any noise
Maureen: Silent, but deadly. No more beans or broccoli for you.
Gary: Okay, gross. I’m glad this is a virtual meeting.
Sheila: Anyway, we can go practice. That’s great news.
Gary: You can go alone; I’m not leaving the house.
Sheila: Fine. Oh also, I saw that they’re having the Brier, Scotties, Worlds and Doubles in Calgary. Curling Quebec said we’d have a provincial playdown if all the regions were green or yellow. They’ll try to run a reduced or modified tournament in a club in late January, but of course, things are still up in the air a bit.
Chester: Yeah, they’ll probably have a bubble and test the players’ daily. I’m so happy they’re trying to salvage a season here. There’s not much hope for league play at the club, though eh?
Russ: Probably not. That means no bar, Fish!
Sheila: Got it covered, you wouldn’t believe how many SAQ points I have. I could start my own bar.
Linda: How are you still alive at this point?
Sheila: I think I’m developing a tolerance to it
Gary: You don’t develop immunity to alcohol.
Sheila: Says who, The World Health Organization? They don’t know their arse from a hole in the ground. I’ll believe it when I see it.
Gary: Oh here we go again.
Sheila: I mean seriously, they lied to us for months.
Russ: They’re puppets for the Chinese
Chester: Guys, a great idea would be to focus on next season. Linda and I have started this cool new workout regiment to stay loose and flexible.
Russ: I’m pretty sure I saw a movie about that too!
Linda: Anyway, it’s an interactive web series with live instruction.
Russ: Yeah, I’ll bet it is…
Linda: In any case, we’re staying in shape because we know how much it hurts when you haven’t thrown stones in a while.
Russ: Is that what the kids are calling it now?
Maureen: Russ! That’s enough out of you. Linda, I think what you and Chester are doing is wonderful and it’s a great way to pass the time. We could all use a hobby for the winter.
Sheila: Absolutely, mine’s going through the entire SAQ inventory.
Gary: We’ll be broke before you finish.
Sheila: Challenge accepted.
Gary: Any other curling news?
Russ: Yeah, I spoke to the Canadian Branch. The Gordon is cancelled again, what a shame.
Gary: The what?
Russ: The Gordon is like the Ryder cup of curling between the Canadian Branch and the Grand National Curling Club. That’s the New England curling association. The event alternates between Canada and the US and has been going back to the 1880s. Upward of 60 teams participate; it’s a real blast. The last one was in Sherbrooke in 2019.
Gary: Who won?
Russ: Canada, of course!
Chester: I dream every day of things getting back to normal.
Linda: Oh they soon will be, just have to keep a positive outlook on things. Okay, it was great to see you guys again. Keep well and we’ll talk soon.
Maureen: Happy holidays everyone!
Russ: You mean Merry Christmas. Linda’s hoping for a HoHoHo! Buzzard, better break out that Santa costume!
Gary: Just got a bad image in my head. Okay, bye guys. Nice way to end it. Happy holidays.